When their “Domino Theory” of ecological disasters fails to produce the desired results, the Yahweh Elohim resort to chemical weapons and weaponized weather modification, fittingly resulting in plagues on a Biblical scale, but Pharaoh still refuses to free the slaves. Just who was this stubborn Egyptian king? By piecing together the historical, Biblical and scientific records, Dave…
Author: Dave
Ecological Dominos
A series of ecological disasters ostensibly designed to convince Pharaoh to release the Israelite slaves into Yahwelian custody only serves to strengthen Pharaoh’s resolve to keep them under Egyptian rule. But of course Jehovah El-Sadday knew all along that this would happen, so he has kept a few surprises in reserve. Also: Was Moses’ reluctance…
Let My Extras Go!
The hologram in the “burning bush” gives Moses a mission, should he choose to accept it: to go to Pharaoh and demand the release of the Hebrew slaves so they can serve the Yahwelians instead. Moses is provided with the gadgetry and passwords necessary to complete the assignment, and is teamed up with his slick-talking…
Bull Rushers & Bush Burners
A new book of the Bible, a new theme song, but the same old host. We begin our study of Exodus. Topics include Egyptian Replacement Theory, Habitat for Midwives, Hebrew Lives Matter, Egyptian Lives Don’t Matter, Hebrew-on-Hebrew Crime, the degradation of holographically reconstructed patterns, and the effect of time dilation on the lifespans of the gods. Plus,…
Eden Reconsidered
If you think the Garden of Eden story in Genesis 2 through 4 is just a fairy tale, think again. And listen again, because Dave in Kentucky got it wrong the first time around, and corrects the record with this episode, revealing the location of the garden, the real reason man was created, and perhaps…
Hebrew Speedwriting
How did the lack of vowels in ancient Hebrew writing lead to mistranslations and mispronunciations? Were the Hebrew patriarchs morally upright, or were they just a bunch of hooligans? Was their morality (or lack of same) determined by their environment, or was it in their DNA? How might German translators have contributed to the mispronunciation…
The Road to Serfdom
Is the universe teleological, or merely logical? Who or what was the Gnostic demiurge? Did Egyptian cattlemen conduct range wars against Hebrew sheepherders in the Land o’ Goshen? Did Ancient Egypt suffer hyperinflation due to too much silver chasing too little bread? How can people with livestock aplenty suffer from a famine? (No, they weren’t…
The Prepper Gene
After bringing in the sheaves throughout seven years of plenty, during the following lean years Joseph gradually releases surplus grain from the Strategic Corn Reserves. Word reaches famine-stricken Canaan that Egypt has plenty of food, so Jacob sends ten of his sons there to buy some, where they fail to recognize Joseph as their long-lost…
Dream Weaver
Joseph interprets the dreams of Pharaoh’s butler, Pharaoh’s baker and Pharaoh himself, and gives such accurate readings that he is not only released from prison; he becomes Pharaoh’s second in command and immediately launches a major government project to deal with a predicted catastrophe. Soon to become a major motion picture in an alternate timeline. …
Of Joseph and Judah
Joseph’s brothers get tired of him tattling on him, so they sell him into slavery, where he must resist the persistent advances of his master’s promiscuous wife. The aptly-named Onan commits a capital offense by practicing the coitus interruptus method of birth control. The widow Tamar plays the harlot, and Judah gets his former daughter-in-law pregnant. There’s…